I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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