I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
