so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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