does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Randomize
