I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
