I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
