My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
