You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
