you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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