im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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