i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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