also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
