i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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