I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
