dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
