so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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