YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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