you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i black out too much to be "responsible"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
