ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I yelled at your uterus for you.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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