Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
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