We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
