Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
