you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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