You can't motorboat a personality
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
