I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
