Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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