why didn't you poke me back
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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