at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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