I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
