both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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