You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
