I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
