Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
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