He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
