maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
