Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
how drunk are you?
Several
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
