1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
