I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
