i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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