Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
