If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I believe in your delicious
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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