Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
This is the high leading the old right now
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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