I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Randomize
