I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Im part way to drunk.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
