Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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