i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
