You're a womanizer and a bitch.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
