Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
