I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I need a beard to bite.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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