I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
