VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
