Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
