there's paper in my vomit.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
