You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
