omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
