I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
