Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
