Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
