glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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