I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
