no. you can't hotbox the world.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
