If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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