I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
