garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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