Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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