I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
