idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
