I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
In America we eat man semen.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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