You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
