I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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