I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize