Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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