I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
