Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
